{"id":503,"date":"2010-05-31T02:04:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-31T10:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mixhart.ca\/blog\/?p=503"},"modified":"2013-11-12T14:33:46","modified_gmt":"2013-11-12T22:33:46","slug":"not-in-my-ball-park","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/not-in-my-ball-park\/","title":{"rendered":"Not in My Ball Park"},"content":{"rendered":"
Sometimes you don\u2019t need to buy Harry Potter Jelly Beans to be grossed out.<\/div>\n
Yesterday I called Peter in to our bedroom for a midday chat. I think it was about planning our Malaysia trip. We\u2019re stalled on booking the resort for the Perhentian Islands. Mostly because every single resort has mixed reviews from: this place is a DUMP–I\u2019d never visit again!<\/i> to Loved it–Best resort on the Island<\/i>. And the bathroom reviews are always conflicting. From \u201cClean<\/i>\u201d to \u201c\u201dMoldy and disgusting.\u201d<\/i> But we are beginning to believe the part about it being the best on the island, despite the food \u201cSucking!\u201d<\/i> Because even the glowing reviews start out with \u201cThis is a jungle Island. If you\u2019re looking for luxury, look elsewhere.\u201d I just hope we get the clean bathroom and someone else has to deal with the mold.<\/div>\n
Back to our midday chat. <\/div>\n
Peter arrives smacking his lips with the odd smell of garlic and ketchup on his breath. <\/div>\n
\u201cWhat have you been eating?\u201d I question, accusingly. He has a habit on stashing junk food in the shelves of the garage to unearth on weekends. <\/div>\n
\u201cOh, nothing, just a few chips,\u201d he says.<\/div>\n
\u201cCHIPS?\u201d I\u2019m accusing again as we don\u2019t have any chips to my knowledge and since when to chips smell so\u2026so\u2026weird.<\/div>\n
\u201cWe had some from last weekend. When I bought some for lunch with the girls.\u201d<\/div>\n
I remembered we had his sister Grace and niece Courtney visiting so it wasn\u2019t out of character for him to sneak in some contraband articles under the guise of \u201centertaining.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWell, what kind of chips are they?\u201d I ask, beginning to feel a little repulsed by the smell of his breath.<\/div>\n
\u201cExtra thick cut,\u201d he answers.<\/div>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not a flavour.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cOh, ya\u2026well then I think they said \u2018Ball Park.\u2019<\/div>\n
\u201cBALL PARK???<\/i> What kind of a flavour is that? Never heard of it.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYa. That\u2019s what the bag said, extra thick, Ball Park flavour.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cCome on! There\u2019s no such thing as \u201cBall Park\u201d flavour. You\u2019re making it up.\u201d I say.<\/div>\n
\u201cSeriously. That\u2019s what they said. And I only bought them because it said thick cut. I thought they were thick cut, like a Chicago pizza.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cSo they\u2019re pizza flavour?\u201d This was starting to go somewhere. I knew there was more to the story.<\/div>\n
\u201cNot exactly,\u201d he says.<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat the\u2026\u201d I say rising from the bed to go find this bag of \u201cBall Park\u201d extra-thick cut chips resembling Chicago style pizza.<\/div>\n
Mistaya was already in the kitchen. \u201cWhere are those chips your dad is eating?\u201d<\/div>\n
She lifts a crinkly bag from the cupboard that stores my cookbooks. A typical hiding spot. Peter\u2019s been know to hide all sorts of contraband in there: Turtles, cans of root beer, store bought apple pies that he proudly shouts out in a shrill voice when I discover them, \u201cTrans-fat free!\u201d<\/div>\n
I smooth the front of the nearly full bag. Yup, there it is, they\u2019re extra-thick all right, and underneath that it says \u2018Ball Park\u2019 printed right on the front of the bag. But \u00a0it\u2019s what\u2019s underneath the \u2018Ball Park\u2019 that blows the whole thing wide open. Written in large font are the words, \u2018Hot-Dog Flavour\u2019 and then in fancy smaller font, \u2018with mustard and ketchup.\u2019<\/div>\n
I race to the bedroom, contraband in hand. \u201cBall-Park my ass! These things are hot dog flavour! Who in the hell ever heard of hot-dog flavour? What kind of joke chips are these?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re for real and they\u2019re disgusting,\u201d Mistaya has followed me into the bedroom.<\/div>\n
\u201cHot-Dog! With mustard and ketchup for God\u2019s sake! Who ever heard of hot-dog chips?\u201d I\u2019m not yet completely convinced that they didn\u2019t come from some kind of a joke shop, like the Harry Potter Jelly beans that taste like earwax and vomit. <\/div>\n
Peter lay speechless on the bed, too afraid to continue smacking his lips.<\/div>\n
\u201cYou bought hot-dog flavoured chips?\u201d I say. He looks guilty–frightened even. But he\u2019s suppressing something else. He breaks into laughter. <\/div>\n
\u201cThey are disgusting\u2026\u201d he manages to say between roars, \u201cThey were an accident. I swear, I only bought them because it said extra-thick cut. You know…like a pizza.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYes. So you said\u2026Chicago style.\u201d I might have rolled my eyes at that point.<\/div>\n
Eventually the chips made their way back into the cookbook cupboard. God knows why. No one will eat them. Perhaps I am partially entertaining Pete\u2019s idea. \u201cNext guests we have\u2026we\u2019ll put them in a big bowl…\u201d<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes you don\u2019t need to buy Harry Potter Jelly Beans to be grossed out. Yesterday I called Peter in to our bedroom for a midday chat. I think it was about planning our Malaysia trip. We\u2019re stalled on booking the … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"kt_blocks_editor_width":"","_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1794,1],"tags":[1938],"class_list":["post-503","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour2","category-uncategorized","tag-hotdog-flavoured-chips"],"aioseo_notices":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":1794,"label":"Humour"},{"value":1,"label":"Uncategorized"}],"post_tag":[{"value":1938,"label":"hotdog flavoured chips"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"mixhart","author_link":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/author\/mixhart\/"},"comment_info":6,"category_info":[{"term_id":1794,"name":"Humour","slug":"humour2","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1847,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":80,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":1794,"category_count":80,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Humour","category_nicename":"humour2","category_parent":0},{"term_id":1,"name":"Uncategorized","slug":"uncategorized","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":576,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":1,"category_count":576,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Uncategorized","category_nicename":"uncategorized","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":[{"term_id":1938,"name":"hotdog flavoured chips","slug":"hotdog-flavoured-chips","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1993,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":1,"filter":"raw"}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=503"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4444,"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503\/revisions\/4444"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=503"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=503"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.mixhart.ca\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=503"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}