Back on My Zen

I have been flying by the seat of my pants all summer long—this is so unlike me. I am usually so organized, so schedule rigid, so driven. But chaos ensues this summer. Perhaps it is good to let everything go–to flow along with it–following my life, not leading it–once in awhile. I am ready to get back into the driver’s seat though–perhaps it is impossible to keep a schedule for years and years without a fly-by-your-pants summer to break it up occasionally. Of course fear is what prevents me from embracing the fly-by-the-pants summer completely. Fear that I will accomplish squat and I will get out of shape. I think my mental balance needs structure to be free. Without structure, I actually feel much more trapped. I have tried mediating periodically and realize how scattered my mind is in this state. I cannot focus on any of my usual meditations long enough to complete them. So, in observation, I note that my life is more zen within my self-created mandala for my life path. If I let that go (as I have this summer) my mind becomes more chaotic, less zen.

Today Pip and I are making chocolate/pumpkin cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese icing because she tells me, “dey are my favowit!”

Went out for tapas at the Elderado deck last evening on the marina with Miranda and her visiting friend Jen from Guelph. Lightening and thunder chased us inside a few times.

The Mist is camping with friends at Bear Creek Provincial campground across the lake. I was worried for their safety during the storm.

Tabs is at swimming (Auntie took her) and then she will join her cousins and friends at Energiplex for indoor sliding fun.

Peter is on a special task force at UBC dealing with how to cope with the impending Swine-flu pandemic they predict this winter.

I am actually going to do a serious meditation tonight to get myself back on my Zen!